Healing All Around

Last night my dear friends, Diana and Risa, rescued me from my depression by having a raw potluck at Diana's home. It was a wonderful effort that I so appreciated. I go back more than a decade with both of them, so it was easy conversation and lots of raw food. A few other guests were also present and we had such a good time that I really didn't want to come home. My two friends had decided that it would be good for us to do this on a monthly basis and rotate the hostessing duties going forward. This decision came right about the time Joseph was diagnosed with cancer, so I really didn't have much of a part in planning the first event other than to say "great idea...run with it!" I threw my hat over the wall and said I would host the next one in January. I have no idea how things will be with my husband by then, but it would be nice to have friends over for New Year's.

Last night's fare included zucchini and spaghetti squash noodles with pesto sauce, collard burritos with a cheesy sauce, kale chips, salsa, crudites with a sunflower seed pate, a kale salad, pomegranate pudding, and raw pumpkin pie with a whipped topping. It was all so good that even the non-raw foodists in the bunch seemed to really enjoy it.

I was so happy to have this diversion as it has been really difficult to maintain a very positive outlook since my husband's cancer diagnosis. This weekend he decided to review the Landmark Forum, an adult educational seminar, to help get himself into a better frame of mind before starting chemotherapy tomorrow. I stayed home so I could process massive amounts of produce through the blender and juicer for him to take with him for the weekend. Shopping and chopping vegetables have been the hallmarks of my weekend until last night. The social activity was very welcome.

Joseph has been struggling with the 100% raw diet. When I realize what he instantly changed in his dietary intake, it is a wonder he has been able to function! He has had caffeine withdrawal, lots of emotional detoxing, all kinds of physical sensations, and cravings galore. The poor man has really given it his best and has finally decided that he needs to go back to a transitional diet. I agree, but we are still trying to sort out just what he needs to be eating right now. We have added some fish and chicken back into his fare along with brown rice, quinoa, lentils and some beans. I believe that having these cooked foods will make things much easier for him. He has already given up coffee, processed starches, refined sugars, all red meat, eggs, and dairy. That is a huge change already.

Last night Diana's mother gave me a well-worn copy of A Cancer Therapy by Max Gerson, M.D. I have been listening to tapes about his treatments and reading his daughter Charlotte's book Healing, The Gerson Way. Much of it seems really radical, especially to someone coming from a standard American diet, but to me, a lot of it seems quite logical. What Joseph has implemented that the book completely supports is juicing. In the interest of not busting the budget completely, we have limited the juices to one quart a day for each of us. It is having a very positive effect on me and I know that at some level, it is healing Joseph. We just don't have the evidence for it yet.

Another healing modality that we have brought back into our lives is the work that Aniel Love and Fred Payne do. Both of these energy workers have been instrumental in restoring complete health and vitality back to Joseph. Again, we don't have the evidence of it, but it is making a huge difference in his daily outlook.

Cancer seems to demand that it's victims take a long, hard look at themselves and how they have been living their lives. It goes from the inside out and back again. We have had so many people tell us of various things to do that it is hard to research every one of them. But the consistent theme among them all is having a positive mental outlook. At this point I can report that we are doing everything we can. I pray it is enough.

Payne & Love

Last fall a local clairvoyant told me to get some spiritual healing. Given the grief-stricken state I was in at the time, anything would have helped. But I was fortunate enough to be introduced to Fred Payne and Aniel Love, both spiritual healers of the highest class. In the past 3 weeks I have had the extraordinary privilege of working with both of them (primarily Fred) on 7 different days. The experience is so profound that it is difficult to describe what has happened. Fred works with the body-mind-spirit complex to facilitate a healing process in all aspects of a person's life. Mind you, this is no airy-fairy process either!

For someone like myself who has so much to heal...physically, emotionally, and spiritually, this was, as one person put it, "like a spiritual enema!" I have said goodbye to Aniel and Fred for a while, but I am looking forward to working with them both again in a few months. I expect to be a transformed person by the next time I see them. My body is now letting go of all kinds of residual toxins. My weight has dropped and I feel like a 5-ton weight has been lifted from my soul. I feel emotionally free of a lot that has bothered me for a long time and some deep spiritual rifts have been mended. I will be eternally grateful to these 2 special people for the work they are doing in the world.

For now their work with me is done, and mine is just beginning. Between the raw vegan diet and Fred's clearings and empowerments, a real purge is taking place in my body. I am so glad I have my raw practices in place. I think it is the best thing I could be doing during this time of healing. Every cell, molecule and atom in my body is being transformed now.

Since I have gone raw, I am amazed at the changes in my life. New people, new opportunities, new habits, new routines.....everything is changing very quickly. I feel like I am shedding an old, dirty, worn-out costume. I am stepping out onto the stage of life a new actor...ready for the next act of the play.

Today's meals were really crazy!
Breakfast: Just a quart of water with lemon...my usual.
Lunch: A bowl of raw sauerkraut and a few olives! What on earth was I craving?!!!
Supper: A quart of juice made of a beet, 2 apples, a lemon, 4 carrots, 5 stalks of celery and a cucumber.
Snack: A couple of power balls.

Day 41

I went to another workshop by Fred Payne this evening. This one was on relationships. Not just the relationship we are in or the one we want, but all relationships including past lovers, past lives, parents, family members, and most importantly, our relationship with ourselves. Funny how any of those from the past can influence the ones we have now.

Aniel Love was there again tonight, radiating light and love like an angel sent straight from the heavens! Again, she did additional work on me and I felt like a tsunami wave hit me! She is a powerful healer, that one.

With all this energy work, I expect to see miraculous changes over the next few months. All of this work causes cells to release toxins and produces a variety of physical detox symptoms. It is all good. The more I detox, the more weight I seem to let go of. Eating raw then becomes secondary to the whole process. It is holistic healing.

One thing I notice every time I step out into public now, is just how old and tired everyone seems to be. I look in the mirror everyday and see improvements in my skin tone and eyes. Even the dark, sunken circles under my eyes have mostly disappeared. They were my badges of sorrow for my aging mother. But as my appearance improves, I am dumbfounded by the sad, pasty-looking faces I see all around me. I keep forgetting what a SAD diet does to the human body. I am so grateful for finding a raw food plan that works for me. I wish more people were open to this way of eating.

Today I had:
Breakfast: Power balls....needed a real boost to get moving today.
Lunch: Green smoothie with banana, apple, blueberries, cucumber, collards, and spinach.
Supper: Zucchini spaghetti.

Did my Body Flex first thing this morning.

More Spiritual Healing

I was really tired this morning, not sure why, but I slept way past my usual time to wake up and get moving. It seems curious to me that my energy levels seem to wax and wane at their own choosing. I am looking forward to a day when my energy is stronger and more reliable. But I can't abuse my body for as long as I did and expect it to just come bounding back because I want it to. Or can I?

I spent another evening with Fred Payne tonight in a workshop for prosperity and abundance. He cleared all kinds of crap from everyone in the room. We should all win the lottery tomorrow! My dear friend, Aniel Love was there tonight as well. She did some additional clearing for me afterwards. Things ought to really start happening now. I notice that every time I go to one of these sessions with either one or both of them, things noticeably improve in my life. Fred even did a couple of clearings around food and eating habits for us. One piece of the healing tonight cleared all forms of self-sabotage. That alone should be enough to blast me through to the next higher tax bracket!

I ate fairly lightly today, trying to avoid a lot of nuts and seeds. Here's what I had:
Breakfast: A smoothie with just bananas and peaches.
Lunch: Spinach salad with tomato, jicama, olives, celery, carrots and mushrooms with just lemon juice and Celtic sea salt as a dressing.
Supper: Mixed vegetables including corn, tomato, olives, celery and onion with lemon juice and Celtic sea salt. Later I ate a small handful of cashews.

I also did my Body Flex routine this morning.

Swamp Fever

Perhaps it is because I have spent the past 6 years caring, and finally grieving, for my mother that I have traveled down Death's dark tunnel, or maybe it is because I see my birthday looming on this month's calendar, reminding me that my life is past the halfway point, that I have come to seek Life in new and creative ways. I am not the first to wonder what the rest of my life holds as I age. There is always the unexpected, but I am choosing to create the rest of my life now. This is the renewal of a vow to create my life rather than wait for it to just happen.

I spent 12 months wondering if I was going to live after my mother died. Being a caregiver for someone you love steals the life right out of you. I wasn't sure I wanted to live, I wondered if my sole purpose in this life was to care for my mother in her final days. That task being accomplished, what was my life for? I spent way too many hours in a blue recliner asking myself that question while my body ached, my head throbbed, and my energy waned. My physical problems were being compounded by weight gain, kidney stones, bad knees, high blood pressure, and more. My doctor offered anti-depressants. (NO, thank you.) My family waited respectfully.

Finally in August 2008 I made the decision that if I wanted to live, I was going to have to find my own way back to the living. I really wasn't sure what it was going to take, but restoring my health seemed like the place to start. I gave notice to my part-time job that had kept me awake at night for 4 long years. Sleeping seemed important. I read "Skinny Bitch" and went vegan during Labor Day weekend. I began to feel better. I paid a visit to Julie North who recommended "some energy work." Later, I found Fred Payne, who introduced me to Aniel Love. I made an appointment with Aniel for the next day. It was as if she surgically removed 50 pounds of black "stuff" from my being. I felt relief right away. In the following weeks she did more work for me and every time I felt like my body and soul were lighter. It was a turning point. To say Aniel saved my life would not be an exaggeration.

From that point on, it has gotten easier to seek life. I have concluded that "life" is energy....chi.....prana....breath. It is reconnecting to the life force, our life source, that which gives and sustains life. It is the energy that allows our lungs to expand with oxygen and allows the blood to flow through our veins, carrying nutrients, more life and energy, to each and every cell.

Some of those cells woke up in my brain and I realized that eating raw foods wasn't just a good weight loss plan, it created life and energy within me. It fed my body and my soul. It allowed me to find my way back to the Raw Divas for a 30 day Body Enlightenment System. That became another turning point.

I feel like the amoeba who has crawled out of the swamp....there's a whole new world out here! I have decided to record my discoveries as I wander into my new world in search of a graceful garden in which to bask in a warm sun, the smell of basil, rosemary and lavender hanging in the air, flowers lining a stone path, butterflies and bees flitting about. The garden is teaming with life and there is room to grow in this new environment.