Old Habits

It amazes me just how fast we can return to old habits! They can creep up and grab you when you aren't looking and drag you down before you know what hit you.

I received some bad/sad news for a couple of days in a row and finally noticed what I was doing each time. On Wednesday, I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when the phone rang and I discovered some disturbing news. There was nothing I could do to change the situation, so I sat and thought about it for a few minutes. Suddenly I realized that I was hungry. So I went to the kitchen, made some power balls and promptly consumed them.

On Thursday, a similar situation occurred and I just made a beeline for the kitchen and whipped up another batch of power balls. It wasn't until I had eaten two of them before I realized what I was doing. I was stuffing my feelings. Again. Being raw hadn't changed that life-long pattern of eating to avoid feeling badly.

In this economy it seems there is bad news everyday and today was no exception. For the third straight day I picked up the phone to hear that someone really close had lost his job. The news was particularly upsetting as this man worked with my husband and the axe had fallen pretty close to home. I sat in shock at this news and noticed the urge to go eat emerge from the depths of my unconscious. As I realized the instantaneous hunger, I also realized how badly I really felt. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream and shout, "It's not right! It's not fair! No, you can't do this to someone I care about!" They can and they did, and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

As I dissected my feelings about all this, I began to see how the pattern got set in place when I was very young. I had no control over the events in my life and food became my pacifier any time something happened that made me unhappy. The seeds of a compulsive overeater were set in place at a very young age and they have ruled my life for the better part of 58 years. Knowing this doesn't change anything. The lesson for me out of this is to always be vigilant. Never eat without knowing why I am eating.

As for all those sad feelings, I sat and pondered them for a while and then took the advice of my very wise buddy. I put them on a train and let them go.

On Thursday I had:
Breakfast: Green smoothie of mango, 2 bananas, 2 oranges and 3 big stalks of Swiss chard.
Lunch: Citrus Avocado Salad with 1/2 grapefruit, an orange, an avocado, spinach and spring mix and a dressing of lemon juice, olive oil and Celtic sea salt.
Emotional Comfort Food: Power balls.
Supper: Salad with romaine lettuce, red and yellow peppers, leeks and carrots with lemon juice, olive oil and Celtic sea salt.

Today I ate:
Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, 2 bananas, a pear, an orange and lots of kale.
Lunch: The rest of the smoothie.
Supper: A less than ecstatic attempt at a raw pizza: portobella mushrooms, raw tomato sauce, olives, shallots, and a raw "cheese" made with cashews, nutritional yeast, garlic, lemon juice, sea salt, and water. It needs some work. I will post some pictures of it next time. It looked fabulous.

Final note...today is 5 weeks of 100% raw, gluten and dairy-free.