Swamp Fever

Perhaps it is because I have spent the past 6 years caring, and finally grieving, for my mother that I have traveled down Death's dark tunnel, or maybe it is because I see my birthday looming on this month's calendar, reminding me that my life is past the halfway point, that I have come to seek Life in new and creative ways. I am not the first to wonder what the rest of my life holds as I age. There is always the unexpected, but I am choosing to create the rest of my life now. This is the renewal of a vow to create my life rather than wait for it to just happen.

I spent 12 months wondering if I was going to live after my mother died. Being a caregiver for someone you love steals the life right out of you. I wasn't sure I wanted to live, I wondered if my sole purpose in this life was to care for my mother in her final days. That task being accomplished, what was my life for? I spent way too many hours in a blue recliner asking myself that question while my body ached, my head throbbed, and my energy waned. My physical problems were being compounded by weight gain, kidney stones, bad knees, high blood pressure, and more. My doctor offered anti-depressants. (NO, thank you.) My family waited respectfully.

Finally in August 2008 I made the decision that if I wanted to live, I was going to have to find my own way back to the living. I really wasn't sure what it was going to take, but restoring my health seemed like the place to start. I gave notice to my part-time job that had kept me awake at night for 4 long years. Sleeping seemed important. I read "Skinny Bitch" and went vegan during Labor Day weekend. I began to feel better. I paid a visit to Julie North who recommended "some energy work." Later, I found Fred Payne, who introduced me to Aniel Love. I made an appointment with Aniel for the next day. It was as if she surgically removed 50 pounds of black "stuff" from my being. I felt relief right away. In the following weeks she did more work for me and every time I felt like my body and soul were lighter. It was a turning point. To say Aniel saved my life would not be an exaggeration.

From that point on, it has gotten easier to seek life. I have concluded that "life" is energy....chi.....prana....breath. It is reconnecting to the life force, our life source, that which gives and sustains life. It is the energy that allows our lungs to expand with oxygen and allows the blood to flow through our veins, carrying nutrients, more life and energy, to each and every cell.

Some of those cells woke up in my brain and I realized that eating raw foods wasn't just a good weight loss plan, it created life and energy within me. It fed my body and my soul. It allowed me to find my way back to the Raw Divas for a 30 day Body Enlightenment System. That became another turning point.

I feel like the amoeba who has crawled out of the swamp....there's a whole new world out here! I have decided to record my discoveries as I wander into my new world in search of a graceful garden in which to bask in a warm sun, the smell of basil, rosemary and lavender hanging in the air, flowers lining a stone path, butterflies and bees flitting about. The garden is teaming with life and there is room to grow in this new environment.