I am human. I have not made it through the holidays or the crisis at my desired level of raw vegan. In fact, I have completely failed to maintain 100% raw longer than a few days at a time. Fortunately I did have a pretty good routine in place that kept me coming back to what I still believe to be the best diet for me. But, again, like dieters everywhere know, once you cheat, it is so difficult to go back.
It was my intention to get things back on track once the holidays were over, but that hasn’t been very successful either. Dealing with my husband’s cancer has been such an emotional experience that I have found myself going out of my way to find comfort foods on a regular basis. The urge to stuff my feelings has not only been just for comfort but to actually function during this very stressful time. All the nights of no sleep have left me with a need for caffeine to stay awake during a day when I needed to drive and make difficult decisions. The caffeine would then stimulate my appetite and I would soon find myself craving heavier foods. The chemo treatments that are supposed to shrink my husband’s tumor have so far been ineffective and the emotions that have surfaced have been overwhelming. There is such a desire to go back to our old social patterns of eating out and enjoying SAD food to just have some part of our life be “normal” again. Traveling around the city in cold weather has also been a strong pull to eat warm, comfort foods.
Given the nature of things in my household right now, I have decided to give myself a break and just do the best I can with my raw foods. I am still very committed to going back to being 100% raw, I have just reaped too many benefits to go back to a completely SAD diet. But I also have to acknowledge that it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain and it has become increasingly harder to do with all that is happening in my life right now. At some point in the process of caring for my husband, I am hoping that he will agree to eating more raw foods himself. That would certainly help both of us. I am sure that his health would be drastically improved by the raw vegan lifestyle, but that is a decision that only he can make for himself. He isn’t there yet and right now his comfort and satisfaction is my primary goal.
Don’t get me wrong, I still pack pounds of produce, pates, smoothies, and my own trail mix into the oncology center with me each time we go for his chemotherapy. But at some point the desire for comfort foods hits with a vengeance and I am tired of trying to fight the cravings and all my emotions around this circus of events.
Forgive me if I have let you down, but I need to find a way to cope while all this is happening to our family. I will come back when I am more grounded in taking back my raw lifestyle. I still believe that eating a 100% raw vegan diet is the best possible path to good health and happiness.
Thank you to all who have written to me and continue to support me as I travel this path. You don’t know just how much I appreciate, and depend on, your efforts to keep me going. I will be back.