The Journey

The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars, began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

~From New and Selected Poems by Mary Oliver

Thank you, Laura for sharing this with me. That is exactly how it has been.

Thursday's intake:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, orange, banana and collards.
• Lunch: Bowl of sauerkraut
• Supper: Collard burritos with walnuts, tomato, onion, Bragg's Aminos, cumin and chili powder.

Friday's intake:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with apple, grapes, banana, spinach and kale.
• Lunch: Collard burrito.
• Supper: Salad of spinach, tomato, celery, carrots, red onion, lemon juice and olive oil.

Saturday's intake:

• Breakfast: Juice of beet, carrot, celery, apple, ginger and lemon.
• Lunch: Salad of cucumber, arame, red bell pepper, red onion, vinegar and olive oil.
• Supper: More of the cucumber salad, guacamole with crudites, and a vegan potato salad (not raw!)

Sunday's intake:

• Breakfast: Muesli with chia seeds, walnuts and almonds, mulberries, goji berries, banana, apple and almond milk.
• Lunch: Collard burrito.
• Supper: Bowl of sauerkraut and kale chips.

Emotional Detox

Imagine this:

A husband and wife are driving across country to their vacation destination. It is a 24 hour drive from their home to a cabin high in the Rocky Mountains. They have been driving since 4 am and it is now 8:15 pm. Both are tired, but want to get as far as they can on the first day of driving. They stop in a city along the way at a restaurant with free internet access, and the husband books a hotel room in a town 260 miles away. The wife feels she has had enough for one day and begs her husband to make the reservation in a closer city. The husband insists that he is awake and alert enough to continue on for several more hours.

As they climb back into their car, the woman snuggles under a blanket and tries to get comfortable for the 4 hour ride into the night. She tells her husband that she feels like she is 7 years old. As she says the words, she wonders why she is saying that. Suddenly memories and emotions from her childhood come rushing back and she is overcome with grief and sorrow. She spends the next couple of hours in the car crying and sobbing while her husband listens attentively.

That is what happened to me on our trip to Colorado. Out of the blue, a tragic memory was brought back to life with the full array of emotions. This was not a memory I had forgotten or suppressed. It had always been very clear to me what had happened and why, but at the time I was never able to feel or express the sadness, grief, and insecurity it brought to my young life. Not once in my entire life had I ever felt the pain of that event until a couple of weeks ago. It was overwhelming and it was like it was happening all over again in that moment. The images in my mind were vivid and the feelings were intense.

Such has been my experience of emotional detoxing. Things pop up out of thin air and I become an emotional basket case on the spot. Usually it is triggered by something being said or done in the moment that is similar to the original event that caused the feelings. So far there has been little I can do to turn off the emotions when they surface, or to resurrect them later when I can deal with them privately. I have had to leave grocery stores after glancing at certain foods my mother used to buy during holidays. I will go to my car and have a good cry before returning to my shopping. The fact that my mother has been gone for almost two years now, and I have grieved extensively for her, seems to make no difference when these hidden emotions decide to emerge.

I will say that despite the intensity of the feelings that arise, they are manageable now, where they might not have been at the time they were impressed upon me. The duration of the discharging process seems to vary with the time, place, conditions and intensity of the feelings. Having a sympathetic listener and plenty of time in the car that night allowed me to fully explore the event and the full range of emotions that it caused, and I took full advantage of the situation to just "let it all hang out." Other times I have retreated from public places for a minute or two and just let out as much as I could in the moment before composing myself and returning to my activities.

Like many overweight people, I have stuffed a multitude of feelings over the years. A less than happy childhood has given me a lifetime of opportunity to spend time on a psychologist's couch. But I find it particularly interesting that 3 1/2 years of therapy, 4 years of re-evaluation counseling, decades of introspection and self-analysis, stacks of self-help books, and countless workshops and seminars, have not brought these feelings to the surface the way that eating raw has done. I am absolutely convinced that this is truly healing me...physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Eating raw, living foods allows the body to heal and consequently allows every other dimension of a being to heal.

There are various theories as to just how eating raw foods allows one to detox emotional baggage, and I won't share my personal theory here right now. But rest assured that eating raw will allow you to discharge every toxin in your entire being. True health and a connection with your divine self is possible!

On Tuesday I ate:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with banana, orange, spinach and collards.
• Lunch: Zucchini spaghetti with a sauce of tomatoes, sun-dried tomatoes, garlic and onion powders, red bell pepper and vinegar.
• Supper: Romaine lettuce wraps with avocado, tomato, onion, lemon juice, dulse, and a cucumber, tomato and onion salad with olive oil and vinegar.

On Wednesday I ate:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie of apple, banana, strawberries, and romaine lettuce.
• Lunch: Bowl of sauerkraut.
• Supper: Collard burrito with walnuts, onion, tomato, Bragg's Aminos, cumin and chili powder, and the rest of the cucumber, tomato and onion salad with olive oil and vinegar.
• Snack: A few pieces of Shawna Stursa's raw chocolate.

So Happy To Be Home!

Well, I am back from vacation. It has taken me a little while to get back to writing here...so many other priorities were begging for attention. It was a relatively good trip, and while I did stray from my 100% raw plan, I think I did very well considering the circumstances.

Despite the gang of carnivores that surrounded me high in the Rockies, I maintained my raw diet until the very end when the temptation to eat something else finally overtook me. I was completely overwhelmed every time I opened the refrigerator door in our cabin and had to pull my greens out from between the cases of beer, margarita mix, queso dips, meat, cheese, and everything else I no longer eat. It was pretty challenging. Out of a group of 10, I was the only one who had any interest in eating a healthy meal. I made big salads every night as my contribution to the evening meals, and everyone seemed to appreciate them, but maybe they were just being polite. Nevertheless, I pursued my own path the best I could and dropped another 5 lbs. in the process.

Once again, the importance of staying focused on what I am doing for my own health has been proven to me. The minute I started eyeing something the rest of the group was eating, my downfall began. The desire to fit in and be like everyone else is a powerful rip tide. Just like the whitewater rafters on the Poudre River, it was an illusion thinking I would have any control over my situation once I got into the raft with the rest of the group. Fortunately I only dipped a toe into the river and didn't attempt the full ride. My occasional bites of junk foods only confirmed my conviction to maintain the raw course.

I will get back to posting my meals in the days to come. I just wanted to let everyone know that I am back and will be sharing some fresh insights with you in the near future. In the meantime, enjoy a little bit of the Poudre River Canyon in the Rocky Mountains.

Photos from top:

1) Someone who is so happy to see me home again.

2) View of one of many peaks along the Poudre Canyon Highway.

3) The raging Poudre River near The Narrows.

4) Cache la Poudre River.

5) Our cabin.

6) View from the back of our cabin.

Colorado Bound

All my bags are packed....along with 4 quarts of green smoothies, my VitaMix and half my kitchen! My husband and I are headed to the Rocky Mountains for vacation. We have a cabin way up in the mountains waiting for us, along with a few friends.

I have spent the last couple of days planning, shopping and preparing for this. We will make a final stop Sunday afternoon to stock up on produce, but for the most part I am prepared to sit and watch everyone eat freshly caught trout while I munch on my greens. This is going to be a real test of my commitment. I will not have access to a my blog, e-mail, or a phone while we are there. It will be up to me to maintain my resolve.

Forgive me if I don't post again for a while. I'll be back soon enough with some great pictures and a further discussion of detox symptoms.

Detox Symptoms - The Real Story

Several people have commented to me that they would like to go raw, but simply can't deal with the detox symptoms. I find this to be an odd statement but have refrained from any blunt, truthful remarks like, "Would you rather just keep abusing your body than take a little pain?!!" Actually, I do understand. It takes a strong commitment to work through all the detox that a lifetime of abuse can bring.

But a lot of folks have indicated that they think the only kind of detoxification symptoms that one gets on a raw food diet is diarrhea. Perhaps that is the only thing they have experienced and quickly reverted back to a SAD diet to make the misery go away as quickly as they could. Chickens! You should stick with a raw food diet and experience the full palette of irritations that can come as the body throws out the junk we have been stuffing into it all these years!

Having eaten a 100% raw vegan diet now for 4 months, 1 week and 4 days now, I feel somewhat qualified to speak about the many and varied ways the body tries to cleanse itself of the toxins, poisons, and crap that the typical person ingests in a lifetime. While none of these are particularly pleasant, I will say that once a bout of detox has completed in my body, I feel so much better. But I am a little more hesitant to shout "Bring it on! It's all good!" anymore.

On Sunday, Andy Reed told me that a good rule of thumb is that a month of eating raw will equal a year of not eating raw. Given the number of years I have been on the planet and not been eating as well as I could, I figure there are a few years of detox ahead of me yet. Here is a short list of some of the things I have already experienced:

• Acne
• Hives
• Rashes
• Vomiting
• Coughing
• Excessive earwax
• Sneezing
• Runny nose
• Diarrhea
• Headaches
• Joint aches
• Muscle aches
• Fatigue
• Mood swings
• Emotional breakdowns

Each of these symptoms has presented with numerous variations that have frequently left me wondering if something was seriously wrong. But the telltale sign that it is detox is that the condition will come and go in a short period of time.

One morning I woke up early with a sudden, serious cough. It became quite intense and I couldn't stop coughing. As it was coming from deep in my lungs, I began to wonder if I had whooping cough or some form of pneumonia. I used to get pneumonia once or twice a year and remember the horrible feeling of not being able to breathe. After about 2 hours of non-stop coughing, I suddenly choked up 2 large, disgusting, brown balls of yuk from the bottom of my lungs! The episode was over and it has not happened since.

I have never been a smoker so I have no idea what this was or why this stuff was in my lungs. But I have been able to breathe better ever since!

I have now come to regard these kinds of things as just part of a process that will likely continue for the next year or two as my body lets go of a long time build-up of toxins. I should also mention that each and every one of the symptoms listed above could have it's own discussion! Especially the last two...mood swings and emotional breakdowns. Topics for another time.

On Monday I had:

• Breakfast: Muesli with chia, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, walnuts and almonds, raisins, coconut flakes, apple and banana with almond milk.
• Lunch: Power balls.
• Supper: Kale salad with red bell pepper, pine nuts, lemon juice and olive oil.

On Tuesday I had:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, orange, banana and Swiss chard.
• Lunch: Kale salad with bok choy, sprouts, celery, carrots, avocado, black olives and a dressing of lime juice, Dijon mustard, agave nectar and olive oil.
• Supper: A salad with escarole, bok choy, celery, sprouts, parsley and a dressing of apple cider vinegar and olive oil.

Consciously Alive!

The Raw Food Day Conference in Columbus was a big hit today with about 25 raw vegan enthusiasts attending. Joel Odhner, Andy Reed and Shawna Stursa put on this event for the community and really brought a new level of raw excitement to town. The combined knowledge of these 3 enlightened beings could have filled a book! I cannot begin to describe the energy and wisdom they shared this afternoon. It was a privilege to be there and to help make this event happen.

Joel's personal story and his culinary expertise were most compelling. His honesty, integrity and talent shone through like the celebrity stars that he serves. I am very proud to know this man and deeply appreciated the opportunity to meet him.

Andy is a walking encyclopedia of wild foods, ancient healing arts and body science. He exudes so much fun and joy that I could actually see his energetic body glowing 2 feet from his physical body! I would happily travel to Bloomington, Indiana to learn wild foraging from this man. His travels, experiences, and studies make him a teacher I want to follow.

Shawna is our local raw visionary and holds the torch high for all of Central Ohio. She has studied with Dr. Gabriel Cousens and can barely contain herself on the topic of healing our bodies through raw foods. She is an expert on superfoods and an accomplished chocolatier. She shared her decadent raw chocolate desserts with us today and it was like tasting a little piece of heaven!

Needless to say, my admiration and respect for these 3 raw food educators is profound. I gained so much new knowledge and information that I haven't even begun to process it all yet. I am still basking in the glow of these raw-k stars!

But the afternoon was filled with more than what The Amazing Trio brought to the table.

Michael Cohen started us off with kirtan chanting. I have experienced his special brand of music before and it really creates a sacred space for an event like this one.

The Clintonville Community Market was on hand with a wide variety of raw books. They are one of the co-ops in town and one that we frequent regularly. It was important to discover that they will allow bulk purchases at just about cost. I'll be placing an order this week!

"Kombucha Bob" Munley stopped in to talk about kombucha and it's benefits. I am just beginning to learn about fermented foods and was pleasantly surprised that his home-brewed product tasted pretty good compared to the nasty stuff I tried once before. I will be seeking out a few bottles of his brew very soon.

Lisa Gatto talked about the importance of colon hydrotherapy today too. While I have not made my first appointment with her, she has come highly recommended to me by no less than 5 people I know! Hmmm....must be something to it!

Finally, Portia from Momentum 98, a local health and wellness store, was on hand with a wide variety of products for sale. While I have not shopped the store before, I will absolutely be headed there for my next bag of chia seeds and other hard-to-find items.

This conference really served many purposes for those in attendance. Beyond all the education and information that was presented, the sense of community really took a leap forward. Raw vegans are certainly not the most visable people around town, so getting to know each other allows for lots of support.

Then there was the food! Shawna showed us how she made her chocolate treats, Andy whipped up a wild green smoothie and a watercress salad, but it was Joel who really showed us how it's done! He demonstrated how to make walnut burritos, kale salad, a curry sauce and a chocolate mousse pie. The man really knows his way around a kitchen!

I could go on for another hour about everything that happened today but I think you can appreciate just how excited I was about this conference. I feel so incredibly blessed to have met these stars in the raw food universe. I believe this has become a turning point in my raw journey and I don't even know how. I just recognize the fact that this has been a significant event in my life and I am humbled by it.

On Friday I had:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie of mango, orange, banana, and kale.
• Lunch: A burrito made with walnuts, tomatoes, onion, cilantro, Braggs Aminos and collards.
• Supper: Kale salad with tomatoes, red bell peppers, red onions, lemon juice, sea salt and olive oil.

On Saturday I had:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, orange, banana, and spinach.
• Lunch: Another walnut burrito and a little kale salad.
• Supper: More kale salad.
• Snack: A few power balls.

On Sunday I had:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with strawberries, blueberries, banana and spinach.
• Lunch: More green smoothie.
• Supper: Walnut burrito, watercress and kale salads with a little curry sauce and a little chocolate mousse.
• Snack: More kale salad and some seaweed salad made with a variety of seaweeds and a little lemon juice.

Photos from top: 1) Shawna, Joel and Andy. 2) Joel and me. 3) "Kombucha Bob" Munley. 4) Portia.

Consciously Alive!
Living and Raw Foods
Day Conference
Explore the Miraculous Healing Values of Raw and Living Foods in Your Diet

COLUMBUS, OH JUNE 7, 2009, 1:30-7:30
Unity Church, 4211 Maize Rd. www.unitycolumbus.homestead.com

JOIN US!:
Go online to www.rawlifeline.com and click on 2009 Raw Day Conference logo.
Pre-registration $50 individual/$90 couple before May 31. Door price $60/$100.

ENJOY A FULL COURSE RAW VEGAN MEAL
(please bring your own bowl/plate and utensils, limited re-usable plates for sale)

"Nutrition and Consciousness"
Joel Odhner
CEO of www.RawLifeLine.com
Joel is personal chef to many celebrities and is a culinary consultant to Dr.Oz and will share his personal transformation and extensive experience with the Raw and Living Foods lifestyle. Joel's talk will explore the connection between nutrition and our consciousness, and include preparing a consciousness elevating Raw Foods recipe.

"Living Foods for Loving Life"
Shawna Stursa
Livingfoods Educator, www.rawshawna.info
Shawna, aka Moonflower, is a visionary raw foods educator and healer whose diverse education includes extensive raw foods and theological studies with Gabriel Cousens and David Wolfe at the Tree of Life Rejuvenation center ( treeoflife.nu ) . Her talk will discuss the values of raw superfoods and Raw Wild Foods, and include preparation of a Raw Wild Foods recipe

"Ancient healing Raw Food energetics"

Andy Reed, Lac
Wind-River Acupuncture www.centerforwholism.com
Andy has extensive experience in ancient folk-healing practices including healing our bodies with the ancient system of food energetics. In his talk he will discuss simple methods of understanding our personal constitution, including how to overcome our challenges and transform gently and quickly into whole person health using the energetics of Raw Foods.

Community Is Everything!

Last night was the Sharing Circle for the Raw Meetup group. There were only 5 of us there, but we all got to know each other really well. I have probably said it before, but it is well worth saying again: having a raw community around you makes a big difference in how you experience being raw. You realize that you are not the only one eating like this and you have someone who understands what you are experiencing.

Connecting with other raw foodists has made all the difference for me in terms of getting raw and staying that way. I first heard of an all-raw diet back in 1972 but only from a book. In the late 80's I read "Fit for Life" by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond and tried to go raw. I lasted for about 6 weeks eating breakfast and lunch before I caved in to the cooked food world around me. I tried again in 2006 and lasted 10 days at 100% raw. It was very difficult to do when no one around me understood or offered any support.

Then in 2007 I began to look online and found several groups committed to promoting and supporting raw foodists. When I began to talk to others about eating and staying raw, I began to get serious about making this a lifestyle. I joined a couple of groups that weren't quite the support I needed, but offered a lot of helpful advice. I continued to reach out to others and as I did so, it became a much more natural transition to eating 100% raw.

Today my raw community has 4 levels. The first is the "raw gurus" that I follow by reading their books and blogs. The second is a small group of like-minded people that I connect with by daily e-mails. The third is the local meetup group which I am truly cherishing. And the fourth, the most recent, is my husband, who has demonstrated a real commitment to making this a way of life for himself.

So now I am expanding the circle even wider by publishing an e-mail address for you to connect with me directly. You are always free to leave comments as well, but if you would like a personal response, you can reach me here: gracefulgarden@insight.rr.com.

Wednesday's intake was:

• Breakfast: Muesli with walnuts and pecans, chia and sunflower seeds, goji berries, apple, banana and almond milk.
• Lunch: Green smoothie with mango, banana, orange and kale.
• Supper: Salad with arugula, bok choy, yellow bell pepper, tomato, celery, red onion and lemon juice, olive oil and sea salt for a dressing.
• Snack: Kale chips.

Thursday's intake was:

• Breakfast: Muesli (same as above).
• Lunch: Cauliflower with nutritional yeast, sea salt, cayenne pepper and garlic powder. (Have tried it raw and dehydrated now and like it better raw.)
• Supper: Citrus Avocado Salad with spring mix, pink grapefruit, orange, avocado, celery and a dressing of lemon juice, Dijon mustard, agave nectar and olive oil.

Energy Surges

The past several days have revealed a new level of energy for me. I have done things that I have not been able to do for a few years now...mow the lawn, walk for 3 miles, be on my feet for longer than 30 minutes! Of course it has all caught up with me now and I am feeling a little tired and sore, but I have been thrilled with my ability to do things again. The idea of being able to participate in life has really pushed me to stay active now. My mother used to say that staying active is what helped her stay young for so long. I think she had it right.

I have also been doing some decluttering of my mother's things. It is hard to think about moving forward with my life with all her worldly possessions weighing me down. It has been an arduous task sorting through her 93 years of stuff...she never threw anything away. A lot of it can be tossed easily, but some of it needs to be gone through very carefully. As the family genealogist, I want to be sure to preserve things that will enrich our family's story.

With all this new activity and the decluttering, it is not surprising that I have dropped another couple of pounds. There is plenty of evidence that exercise helps take off excess weight, but what a lot of people don't understand is how eliminating clutter can help shed the pounds too. Our "stuff" is just another form of stored energy and we feel so much lighter when we let it go. I know I will feel much better when I have completed the distribution of my mother's things. And sorting through it all is just as hard as a good workout!

So here is what I had:

On Sunday:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, orange, banana and Swiss chard.
• Lunch: Leftover Asian salad with kelp noodles.
• Supper: Mediterranean Salad

On Monday:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with grapes, cherries, apple, and spinach.
• Lunch: A bowl of sauerkraut and a handful of cashews.
• Supper: Avocado, corn, tomato, cilantro, garlic powder, Bragg's Aminos, and dulse all mashed together and rolled into a couple of collard leaves.

On Tuesday:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie with apples, grapes, strawberries and collards.
• Lunch: Power balls.
• Supper: Broccoli/Bok Choy Salad
• Snack: Raw "popcorn." That's a half a head of cauliflower rolled in sea salt, cayenne pepper and garlic powder. (I ate it raw, but next time I'm going to try it dehydrated.)

Four Months!

Okay, it is time to show some progress here. This was me 2 years ago almost at my peak weight. I gained another 10 lbs. or so after this was taken.


Here is how I look now. It may be hard to tell from the photos, but I think my face looks a little thinner. My stomach definitely doesn't stick out as much.

It has been 4 months since I went 100% raw! Wow. Even I am impressed. But I do need to put this into the context of what I have done with diets in the past. Typically I could always do 6 months of any kind of weight loss diet and then it would start to fall apart. With one plan, I stuck it out for a year, but there was a significant decline in my compliance after the 6 month point. So I will get really excited with my progress after I have maintained this for over 6 months.

So what have I accomplished? I have let go of 24 lbs. (33 pounds total) and at least 11 inches from specific measuring points on my body. I have gone down 2 sizes in my clothes...from a 24 to a 20. Now by any standard, these are not banner results, but there have been a lot of other changes that have made this well worth the effort...like the lack of a lot of constant pain in my body, more energy, and a significant shift in my overall outlook on life.

But the slow weight loss has been very frustrating. My diet has been easily sustainable, so I haven't fussed over the number on the scales too much. Now I am wondering if I could tighten things up a bit to see if I can get some faster results. Over the next few weeks, I am going to be looking at what steps I can take that won't be so radical that they cause me to swing back the other way and start craving and binging. Baby steps. It will be small changes that I can make easily that won't be too demanding on my regular routine. It is time to modify "My Plan" and see what else I can do.

I have also continued to do my Body Flex but have not been doing it daily. I go for short 20-30 minute walks on the days I skip the Body Flex. I think I can probably do at least 30-40 minutes of the walking and maybe find a more advanced version of the Body Flex. I have also been thinking of going back to my all-time favorite...yoga. Until now, getting up and down off the floor has been too challenging to think about doing it, but now I think I probably could.

On Friday I had:
Breakfast: Green smoothie with mango, banana, orange, and spinach.
Lunch: Broccoli/Bok Choy Salad.
Supper: An Asian inspired salad with marinated kelp noodles, baby bok choy, celery, yellow bell pepper, carrots and red onion. The marinade was tamari, extra virgin sesame oil, lemon juice, garlic and ginger root.

On Saturday I had:
Early Morning: Honeydew melon.
Breakfast: Muesli with almonds and walnuts, chia and sunflower seeds, goji berries and dates, apple and banana with almond milk.
Lunch: A small amount of the leftover broccoli/bok choy salad.
Supper: More of the Asian salad with kelp noodles.
Snack: A couple of power balls.