Perspective

It seems to me that if I am losing weight just for the sake of losing weight, something is profoundly amiss. After doing so many different diets off and on over the years, the one thing I have learned is that the body reflects the mind and emotions. If I am emotionally upset and eat to comfort myself, then dieting isn't going to fix the problem. Maybe it will for a while, but if I don't address the emotional issues, the weight just comes right back.

So after trying traditional therapy, Re-evaluation Counseling, Overeaters Anonymous, dozens of self-help, psychology and philosophy books, numerous Landmark Education programs and seminars, practicing yoga with two Indian gurus, delving deeply into a few mainstream religions, as well as New Age faiths, I feel I have finally worked through a lot of the most plaguing issues I have had in this life.

This week I got a new perspective on it all. There haven't been multiple problems, there has been one problem that has had a hundred different tentacles! The problem was a crazy childhood as a result of being raised by adults who never dealt effectively with their own problems. Please understand, I loved my parents very much and miss them everyday, but the two of them were a couple of highly dysfunctional people trying to live their lives around some pretty big problems. I learned at a young age that food equalled love and it brought a lot of comfortable feelings. So untangling all the upset of my childhood has taken me a long time. For years I had a love/hate relationship with my mother that was a constant roller coaster ride of emotions. But in the end, I finally realized that my mother had been dealing with the hand she was dealt, just the same as my grandmother had!

I finally came to understand how I got so screwed up, but it wasn't until I cared for my mother in her final years that I was able to forgive her and ask for forgiveness. Our relationship was finally healed and then she died. I am now left to clean up the rest of the mess. It looks like 33 boxes of her stuff in my garage and another 20 or so in my basement. Once her possessions are dealt with, then I will be free to live my life and will have no more excuses for abusing my body with food.

Thankfully, I think I have learned something through all this. I have worked through a lot of the painful memories and learned that I don't have to binge on SAD foods to comfort or nurture myself. I know that a living foods diet of mainly fruits and vegetables will restore my health, my sanity and my body.

I bless the path that brought me here.

On Wednesday I ate:

• Breakfast: Green smoothie of mango, orange, banana, and spinach.
• Lunch: Salad of escarole, mustard greens, orange bell pepper, celery, mung bean sprouts, and a dressing of lemon juice, Dijon mustard, agave nectar and olive oil.
• Supper: Corn chowder with fresh sweet corn, cashews, garlic, green onion, carrots, and celery.

On Thursday I ate:

• Breakfast: Power balls.
• Lunch: Salad with spring mix, spinach, carrots, celery, mushrooms, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.
• Supper: Lettuce wraps with romaine lettuce, avocado, green onion, orange bell pepper, cilantro, dulse, tomato and garlic powder.
• Snack: A bowlful of sauerkraut.